Churches, Prayer groups, friends and family members play a great role in standing in the gap for individuals/families going thru tough times (James 5:14-20). But there are occasions when they overdo and end up contributing to the chaos (I’ve seen this in quite a few families). With due respect to every one who spend their valuable time praying for/helping those in need, I would like to share a few suggestions to both the individual as well as families / prayer groups based on my personal experiences.
Individuals
- Please communicate clearly if you’re sharing a prayer request or need help with decision making (or have any other needs where others could help).
- Peer pressure can add to your stress (especially inflammatory conditions). So, please inform in a polite way if someone is pushing you too hard or if the relationship is not smooth (This message is often conveyed very late and both sides end up disappointed).
- I strongly recommend against sharing relationship problems as prayer requests. It often ends up as gossip and makes things worse. Please approach a professional counselor to deal with such issues.
- Its very common to look for coping mechanisms (or diversions) when you’re stressed out.
- When I was very sick and lying in bed, I news websites or cricket commentary was my diversion whenever I dealt with peer pressure.
- Nothing wrong in watching news/sports but when you use that as your coping mechanism, you’re only deviating your attention from the problem and not trying to resolve it.
- It also takes away the time that you could have spent on the word of God (Eg: Sermons, Worship songs, reading the Bible etc). Post pandemic, I’ve realized my mistake and spend a good time listening to sermons, reading the Bible etc
- Listening to gospel music is a good alternative. It not only diverts your mind from our pain but the Word brings healing to your mind and body. I’ve personally found this very useful.
God allows pain for a reason. In most cases, people who go through pain show more empathy when others are going thru difficulties and share their experiences. I believe your experience will mold you and make you a blessing for others.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
“The only difference between black coal and a precious diamond is the amount of pressure it endured” – Joel Osteen
Churches / Prayer Groups / Families
- Its good to share known resources but please don’t force your views on the individual or try to fix the problem. This article on “Care vs Control” might help you understand what I’m trying to convey. This is a common issue in many situations and often worsens the pain the individual is going through.
- Most advice that I got was either irrelevant or very basic but people get upset that I don’t listen to them. Please realize that the person gets tons of advice from many people like you and usually gets frustrated when someone gives advice.
- Please clarify if a request is for prayer or if there’s something more that you can help with. For example, there may a doctor in the group or someone who faced a similar medical condition who can help with medical decisions. Otherwise, please stick to prayer support.
- Please make sure that you don’t judge the person you’re praying for (James 4:11). This will ruin the trust between you and may cause the other person to go astray from God (I’ve seen this in my family).
- Often prayer requests continued to be discussed offline which could be classified as “gossip”. Scripture strongly warns against gossip (James 1:26, Prov 16:28, Eph 4:29 etc). Remember, all this starts from trying to “fix” the problem.
- If you feel that a person is going astray or in sin, please take a moment to sit and talk with that person (Matthew 18:15-17). Don’t make your own assumptions and discuss it among yourselves (that’s actually gossip!!). Remember regular gossips can become a narrative (people even cherry pick verses from the Bible that fit their narrative) and can even end up in character assassination.
- Its very important that you don’t involve in family issues or take sides when there are relationship issues. In such scenarios, its best to guide them to professional counselors with a spiritual background.
- When you’re praying for someone with chronic issues, please don’t expect regular updates (“status reports”) from them. Please convey a message, asking them to update you whenever they have any updates.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” – Galatians 6:2
“Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” – 2 Corinthians 13:11
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